| | We've changed our name! It's something we've been wanting to do for quite some time, and now it's official! Ever since we got married, it's been on our minds. Should Mary Ann take on my last name and 'become' Chinese (and lose her Vietnamese-ness)? Should I take on hers and 'become' Vietnamese? Should we share a hyphenated last name? How can our surname retain our identities and be inclusive of us both? We decided to choose an inclusive last name because we want mutual representation. In other words, we didn't want either of us to lose the surname and identity that we've had for our entire lives.
We realized, also, that changing one's last name is simply cultural, and not necessarily Biblical. In America, many women change their last name to their husband's. Some hyphenate. Some never change it. And it's all perfectly acceptable. Even in the Bible, there was a man who took on his wife's family name and identity (Nehemiah 7:63). So we knew we had options.
In our marriage, there is mutual submission because we believe in Biblical equality (Eph 5:21). Each spouse has equal footing in all aspects of marriage. We have equal value and equal input in everything. When one of us sees a need, that one fills it. If dishes need to be washed and Mary Ann is tied up, I'll do them, and vice versa. (Most of the time, though, we do it together -- and we love it because we get to spend that time together.) The same goes for laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping -- everything. We make all decisions together, big or small. If we're stuck at an impasse, we'll talk it through until we're at mutual agreement. I have no desire or need for veto power (which by the way, I think that "veto power" is a terrible idea if you want harmony in your relationship). Each of us has equal value and equal say. I am no better, smarter, privileged, or more valuable than she is, nor she than I. God made us equally in His image, and we are both intrinsically valued.
So because we are equals, when it came to deciding what to do about our last name, I had to humbly ask myself who was I to say that Mary Ann had to drop her last name and take mine? It's the same effect as asking of myself, would I be willing to drop my last name and take hers? That thought didn't sit well with me when I thought about it initially, because it made me realize how drastic of a change it is to lose your last name. The dilemma we faced was, whose name would be dropped? We eventually realized that there was a way to not have to drop either last name, but rather to include them both. We decided on a hyphenation of our last names (i.e. an inclusive name), with Mary Ann's surname first, because it has a nice ring to it. I like it. Not only does it represent both of our identities, but it also represents our new family -- a product of diversity and a blending of two cultures.
Some may think it unusual for a man to change his last name, but really, I'm not doing anything that God never approved of before -- it's in the Bible. And I'm happy to make that change. |
| | Posted 5/29/2009 11:57 AM - 238 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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